Memories

Just now, I put in the movie Rent to my DVD player and reminded myself how precious music is to my soul and how much growing up sucks.
The opening number in and of itself made me tear up a little. I remember this past year and how great, satisfying, terrible, beautiful, growing, and confusing it was.
Whether I like to admit it or not, I fell in love this past year. He was...nice. I really seriously cared about him too. We went to dances, watched many a movie, and had good times. But, there was always something missing. But, I loved just like Rent reflects on.
I graduated high school. Those people I fell in love with as well. There is more than one years worth of love with these people. They have kept me close to my values as well as kept my head on the ground.

Sometimes though, I feel like my love isn't good enough for people, even though it is. I will never see the fruits of that. Love is a God given gift and should be held precious to the human heart.
Just all this music brings me back to middle school and early high school when my life was boy free and all I needed was this glorious music. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when all I retained from life was music and words.
But, as we grow as people, we forget how to appreciated the little blessings that are given to us everyday.
That boyfriend dumped me and half the friends I had are gone due to moving cities or just growing apart. That boy was precious to me. So were those friends. But things change, feelings change and some people were put in our lives for short periods of time. This movie always reminds me of that. Death is not the end. It is only the beginning of a beautiful adventure. Although, often enough, the longing to return to easier days is absolutely overwhelming. It pulls at our weak human hearts hoping to always live within us.
There is always another day. And love can conquer anything, if only we gave it a chance.
 

I just listened to some song by Jayyson DeRULooo! (like pretend he's singing that...it'll make more sense).
And, I don't understand mainstream media. I'm utterly confused. Ah, such is life.

Last night, which was a Monday, was my first Kairos group (a.k.a. College Small Group). Kairos is an Egyptian word for "time" but time in the sense that it's refreshing and you would enjoy being with the people you're with and just have a time of relaxation and friendship. It was really good.
Many people don't know this, but I get really nervous when meeting new people/telling them about my life, faith, etc I do not know why, but I am. It's not something that you would know automatically about me. But, I was extremely scared to walk into a room with a bunch of girls. Girls are sometimes mean and the playing field is rough.
But, these people were awesome. One of them likes Lord of the Rings. I like them too! She also liked Harry Potter, Degrassi, blogging, and cats! I was in such shock on my way home that I zoned out and almost ran a red light. (shhhh, don't tell any cop in Troy...they will hunt me down, I swear).
In any case, I am looking forward to meeting with this group every other week. It gave me some hope for the coming weeks of the semester that have been looking really bleak and scary for the past couple of weeks/month.

I never knew college would be so scary and intimidating. I talk about it so much outside of the internet. But, honestly, I hate not know what's coming in the next week. I'm not that wild and free even though I totally wish I could be. KDHFAHD;FHAEA;

Alas, I am kept from knowing the secrets of the Big Guy upstairs. It's just nice to have people who actually want to listen about my "trials" if they're even trials...IDK.

Frustration and FAKED

Hello-

It's really uber late right now...like 1:38 am. I just skyped with my best friend for about 2 and a half hours. And then uploaded by epic fail of a vlog attempt to my youtube....it was interesting. My mom laughed out of pity...but its a start.
So, I was reading this book called 'Counterfeit Gods' by some guy (i can't remember his name right now). But, the basic premises is that humans have "idols" instead of focusing on the real God. Now, I understand all this and was excited to read the book, to soak up some more knowledge about something that consumes my life.

However, it's degrading and condescending. Books like this are why people don't attend church. I'm sorry, but I am angry at the amount of open interpretation that seems to be the case with this man's writing and basic logic!
UGH! I love church and going to church and praying and journaling and my small groups. They are beautiful things. I love learning about human history and seeing the beauty in knowledge and where we come from. It is not a matter of who is right and wrong. It's all about loving each other for who we are and where we are in life. Cause thats what Jesus (the man this is all due too) is all about, LOVE. Right? Or am I just insane? It's about our stories whether or not the person you are conversing with is where you're at. It makes me so angry when people claim to believe something and then don't act on it.

DO IT!

Okay, so that was my totally random rant.
But, MSU reigned VICTORIOUS over Notre Dame. :D That entire game made me so extremely happy. My mother and I were screaming when they faked the field goal and ran the touchdown. It was a beautiful moment is Spartan football and I am proud to call myself a Spartan. (Well, in about four months time I will be, officially). Excited = not even close to comparing how I feel about that at this point in time!

I will try and make another video that will be just as AMAZING as the first one :)

teach me the mudgie.

My Attempt to Vlog

I have never really done anything particularly crazy in my life. I have lived an average 18 years of life and now I'm just waiting for something interesting to happen and that's not all that productive...or fun, really.
So, I attempted to make a vlog on YouTube and let me tell you, I EPICALLY failed at doing so. I was talking to a camera (which, apparently, I don't do often) and it was just so weird! I tried several times to talk to this said camera/edit said vlog/attempt to put it onto YouTube and then finally surrendered to the fact that I am mentally unfit for such a huge goal and was defeated.

So, now I'm just going to do what I know I can do. Which is write.

Speaking of YouTube, I am currently obsessed with the really good/famous vloggers such as "charlieissocoollike" and "nerimon" and, of course, "livelavalive." I must say that while I have failed to make good enough videos (for my liking) these people  ^ never cease to entertain me and make me laugh harder than I have for a long time. It's delightful.

Maybe someday I will attempt this enormous task again, but until then, I'm staying with words.

Till next time, friends.